Repercussions of The Exploding Meatball Sub
by MrandMrsStinson
Summary: After nine years, Barney finally gets his revenge on Marshall for the whole marinara sauce incident back in 2011. He didn't think about what the effects him pretending to be sick for eight months could be on his wife, friends and family. AU with Swarkles together. Rated T for very mild language.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N**

 **Hey guys! So, I thought of this story when lying in bed one night and wrote the majority of it at three am. It's based off the end of 6x20. The look Robin gives Barney after he pretends to be sick in The Exploding Meatball Sub is so intense. She looks so angry. This is based on that. Enjoy, and R &R! :)**

 **2020**

Watching a loved one in pain is never easy, and this was no exception. Robin rested her head on Marshall's shoulder. Barney coughed and she turned her face away so he wouldn't see her crying. Marshall squeezed her forearm.

"Marshall…can I ask one final favour, my friend?" Barney croaked. Lily hurriedly pushed Marshall towards the bed and Ted stepped in and put an arm around Robin.

"Yes, of course, of course…anything." Marshall replied.

Barney pushed back the covers slightly and retrieved a sandwich. An _actual_ sandwich. "Eat this meatball sub."

"Wh-Where'd you get a meatball..." He started.

"I don't have much time!" Barney spluttered. Robin buried her face in Ted's shirt to cover the sound of her sobs.

"Okay, yes, yes, of course. Of course. Does this have some sort of special meaning?" Marshall asked. He was interrupted by the sub exploding, streaking his face with marinara sauce.

Barney got out of bed, cackling. "I'm not sick, you idiots! I've racked up thirty thousand dollars of uninsured medical bills for symptoms I don't even have! Totally worth it! You should see the look on your face! Oh wait, you can't – because it's covered in marinara sauce!" Robin didn't even know how to process this. She pulled away from Ted and ran from the room. Barney was busy laughing and didn't notice.

"Barney." Lily said. He looked up, wiping tears of laughter from the corners of his eyes and looked in the direction she was pointing, in time to see his wife slam the balcony door.

"Robin?" He called out. He followed her from the room and into the living room. She was shivering and leaning against the balcony rails. It was January and snowing and she was only in shorts and a tank top because it was so warm inside. Barney grabbed her coat and joined her outside. "Robin?" He repeated.

She turned to look at him, her face understandably furious. "Get the hell away from me."

"Come inside." He pleaded. She completely ignored him. "Or put a coat on, at least. You're going to catch hypothermia, it's freezing."

"Good. Then maybe you can see what it's like to worry about your sick spouse" She snapped.

He closed his eyes for a second. "Babe-"

"No! You pretended to be sick for eight months, Barney! Eight freaking months. All so you could get revenge on Marshall for a stupid incident that happened nine years ago! You don't get to come out here and play the loving husband card, you lost that privilege when you made me think the man I love was dying!" She yelled.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

"Oh, you're sorry? That's great! That fixes everything! That makes the fact that I had many sleepless nights in the hospital, sitting on horrible plastic chairs beside you, while you were sleeping peacefully. Or that you wasted thirty thousand dollars on literally nothing! Let's not forget that you lied and deceived me for months on end. I can't count the times I cried, or the nights I spent watching you. Or the time I wasted making sure you were always comfortable, cared for and happy. I neglected my own health and happiness for so long, I spent endless nights awake, googling your apparent disease and looking for symptoms and signs that it was getting better or worse. I just can't believe you." She was so angry.

Barney stood beside her in silence. He felt horrible. He was honestly the worst person of the face of the earth. Who does something like that to his loved ones? Who lets their wife suffer like that?

"You couldn't even keep a simple wedding vow. You promised you would always be honest with me. This isn't honest, Barney. When we got married you made one vow, and you couldn't even keep it. I thought I knew what I was getting into when I said _yes_ on that roof top and _I do_ at that alter, I knew I was in for lies and most likely heartbreak. I thought you loved me enough not to do something like this." Robin wiped away tears that were beginning to fall. "Please just go away. Go back inside, leave me alone."

Barney couldn't even find the words to express how much he loved her, so he obeyed her. He turned around and walked back into the apartment, gently closing the door behind him.

Inside, everyone had migrated to the living room. Ted was finishing a call to Tracy, who was the one who stayed home with all five of the kids. Lily and Marshall were sitting on the couch. Marshall had a towel around his neck and Lily was dabbing his face with it, in attempt to clean off some of the sauce.

She looked up at him when he entered the room. "You screwed up big time, Barney."

Barney nodded. "I know, I know. And I'm so sorry. I have no idea how to fix this though. I guess I didn't really see how upset Robin's been these past eight months."

"Bro, you barely even scraped the surface. She made sure you rarely saw her when she was upset, but she was absolutely devastated. All the time. In the first few months, when the doctors told her this would kill you, and soon-"  
Read more at: . ?f=177&t=11588

"They said that? The doctors actually said that to her?" Barney interrupted.

"Yeah, they did. After that, she rarely ate or slept and spent most of her time when she wasn't in the hospital with you, crying. Eventually, all the all-nighters and eating next to nothing got to her and she-"

"Ted no." Lily quickly interrupted, covering Ted's mouth with her hand. Ted murmured something incoherent, that apparently, Lily heard. "I don't care how bad of a friend and husband he's been, we're not telling him that."

"What? What happened?" Barney asked. Lily shook her head. "I have a right to know. If something I did caused her any physical pain…"

"She's fine, okay? It was just…" Lily paused and took a deep breath before continuing. "It was nothing. Don't worry." Barney knew she was lying but didn't press any further.

He switched subjects. "What am I supposed to do about Robin?" He glanced outside to his wife, who looked freezing but was way too stubborn to come inside or put a coat on. Everyone followed his gaze.

"I'll go talk to her." Lily said, getting up. She paced over to the balcony and stepped outside. Robin looked up when the door closed. "Hey."

"Hey." Robin replied.

They stood in silence for a while until Robin turned to her best friend.

"I don't even know what I'm supposed to be feeling right now. I should be angrier but I'm mostly just relieved. And sad that he kept that from me." She said.

Lily gave her a half smile. "I'm sorry that he lied to you for so long."

"I don't even know what to do right now." Robin thought out loud.

"Put a jacket on, it's freezing out here. Then maybe go for a walk to clear your head?" Lily suggested.

Robin nodded. "Okay." Both women went back inside. Barney jumped up from the couch and paced over to his wife. He put a hand on her shoulder, which she shrugged off. She put a coat on and picked up her bag and wordlessly walked out the door.

As soon as she was outside, in the open air, she felt better. It was cold though. She hailed a cab and gave the driver the one address she could think of to go to right now. James and Tom's. James was the only person in the world who had felt even a tenth of what she had been feeling the past eight months. He was the right person to talk to.

…

She arrived at her brother-in-law's place and handed the cabbie a note. She gave him a large tip because he had to deal with listening to her cry the entire way. She walked up the stone footpath silently and knocked on the door. She could smell something delicious cooking inside and hear the complaints from Sadie and Eli as they set the table. Eventually, the door opened and Tom was standing on the other side. He took one look at her tearstained face and wrapped his arms around her.

"James." He quietly called.

"Who is it?" James asked, coming into the entryway, Eli and Sadie following him. He saw Robin and choked back a sob as he turned to his kids. "Guys, maybe you should go set an extra place for Aunt Robin." They scurried off and he turned back to his husband and sister-in-law. Tom stepped back, allowing James to pull Robin into his arms. "He's gone, isn't he?" James asked softly.

"No." She replied. James pulled away from the hug so he could look her in the eyes. He looked very confused. "Turns out he was never sick. He lied and pretended for eight freaking months."

James' eyes widened. That sounded exactly like something Barney was capable of, but he didn't think he would actually do something like that. Especially since he saw at least a little of how hard Robin was taking it. "Why? Did he have a reason?" James asked, too shocked to say anything else.

"Nine years ago, he and Marshall were eating meatball subs and he spilt marinara sauce on his tie, so he decided this would be the perfect course of action to get back at Marshall for pointing out that he got sauce on his tie, and then he gave Marshall a sub and it exploded." Robin explained.

"What an asshole. He's my brother and I love him, but honestly. What the hell was he thinking?" James asked. "At what point does he put somebody else above him?"

Robin shrugged. "James, I really don't want to talk about this right now. I needed to get away from Barney for a little while though. Would it be alright if I stayed here? Just for a few hours. I'll go home later, but I really needed to clear my mind."

"Absolutely. Stay for as long as you want. You're family, and family is always welcome here." James replied.

"Thanks." She said with a weak smile.

James, Tom and Robin retreated into the main area of the house. Sadie and Eli were sitting on the couch, staring at their feet. They looked up when the adults returned.

"Is Uncle Barney dead?" Sadie asked.

Robin inhaled sharply. Barney had made a real mess. Now, they had to figure out what to tell all seven of their nieces and nephews something. They obviously couldn't tell them the truth. She glanced at James who shrugged before replying. "No, honey. He's alright."

"Good." She said. The thirteen-year-old got up and hugged her aunt. "I'm glad you're here. You're my favourite. There's too many boys here. I need to talk to a girl."

Robin smiled. This was her favourite part of being an aunt. "Talk away, sweetie."

As Tom returned to the kitchen to keep cooking, James and Robin listened intently to Sadie's story. Apparently, two of her friends at school, Masie and Hayden had broken up because Hayden said he was in love with her and she didn't love him. She loved another boy named Drew, but she couldn't date Drew because he's Felicity's ex-boyfriend and Masie can't date her best friend's ex. But, now Felicity is dating Mike who has likes Masie. Now, Mike told Sadie that Cristopher has a crush on her, but Christopher is mean to her so she thinks Mike's lying.

"And that's everything. It's all so complicated." Sadie explained.

Robin grinned. "Sorry, honey. It doesn't get any easier as an adult." Sadie sighed and threw herself against the pillows.

"Boys are so problematic." She sighed.

"Totally. Maybe you shouldn't date until you're like, Aunt Robin's age." James said. Robin laughed. For a moment, just a moment, everything was okay.

…

 **A/N**

 **So, what do you think? This isn't a one shot and I'll post another chapter later. Also, this is completely off topic but I love Robin and James' relationship. Please review! :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N**

 **Hope you enjoy, and I'm sorry I haven't updated for months. I've been really focused on other stories, but I finally got back to this one :)**

…

It was past midnight, Eli and Sadie had gone to bed hours ago. James, Tom and Robin had been in the living room, talking in hushed voices about Barney for quite a while, when Robin stood up.

She yawned. "Okay, I should probably go now. I have to be up for work-" she paused to the time displayed on her phone, "-in six hours. If I leave now, maybe I can get a little sleep."

"I'll drive you." James stated, getting up.

"No, don't be ridiculous, I'll get a cab." She argued.

James shook his head, insistent. "I know you're independent and strong and everything, but you live in New York City. There are a bunch of jerks, and you know Barney would _kill_ me if something happened to you. I wouldn't be able to live with myself, either. Please, just let me drive you home. I will be able to sleep better if I know you're safe."

Robin sighed. James was stubborn, like Barney. There was no arguing with a Stinson boy. "Alright. Come on. If it'll make you feel better."

The two went outside. It was freezing and still snowing. They got in the car and started to drive. Robin checked her phone to find twenty-eight missed calls from Barney and thirty texts. She read a couple of them.

 ** _Barney:_** _Babe, where are you?_

 ** _Barney:_** _Come home, please._

 ** _Barney:_** _I'm really starting to worry, Robin. Please just come home._

 ** _Barney:_** _You've been gone for six hours, please just text me back so I know you're okay._

She ignored him. She'd be home soon anyways. There were also a few texts from Lily and Tracy, Lily wanting to know where she was, and Tracy wanting to know if she was okay.

…

James pulled up outside Barney and Robin's apartment. She reached over to hug him, but he put the car in park and pulled the keys out of the ignition.

"I'm coming in. I need to talk to my brother." James said. Robin nodded and they both walked inside.

The doorman looked relieved to see her. "Mrs Stinson, Barney told me to watch for you. He's really worried."

She nodded. "I'm going up now." She and James took the elevator up to her and Barney's floor. The light was still on in the apartment, which meant Barney was still awake. She felt slightly guilty, but then remembered what he had done, and stopped. She opened the door to find Barney pacing the living room, his head down in his phone, texting her. He looked up at the sound.

"Oh, thank god you're okay." The worry on his face melted as he ran to embrace her. She remained motionless, not excepting or denying the hug. She was pissed at him, but it felt amazing to be in his arms.

"I'm going to bed." She announced, chucking her bag on the table and her coat beside it. She disappeared down the hall, into the bedroom, closing the door behind her. Barney had cleared away all the medical equipment and changed the sheets, because there was marinara sauce on the other ones. Good, at least he had some bones in his body that still knew how to be a good husband. She flicked off her shoes and changed quickly, then climbed into bed and quickly fell asleep.

James and Barney stuck to small talk until they were a hundred percent sure Robin was asleep. Barney quietly tiptoed into his and her bedroom and checked on her. The only motion was the rise and fall of her chest and the only sound was her softly snoring.

"She's asleep." He announced, closing the door and going back into the main area of the apartment. "So, what's going on, bro?"

"Don't bro me. What the hell is wrong with you? I just spent seven hours consoling your wife because you're a jerk. I don't mind, obviously. But I do mind why I was doing it, and because her selfish husband faked being sick for eight months, isn't okay. What you were thinking? What idiotic, malicious part of your body thought this was a smart idea?" James asked, accusingly.

Barney sunk into the couch. "I don't know, James. I honestly don't."

"Don't give me that! You lied to everyone! You lied to me, to mom, you even lied to your nieces and nephews! Tell me Barney, what are you going to tell them?"

He hadn't thought of that. "I don't know."

"But worst of all, the icing on the cake, was that you lied to her. You lied to your wife, Barney. This is the worst thing you've ever done. You didn't see her like the rest of us saw her. She was considerate and rarely broke down in front of you. But when she was alone or with one of us, she was a mess, Barney. I've never seen anyone like that." James was starting to yell. Barney looked horrified. Good, that's what he was going for.

"What do you want me to do, James?" Barney snapped. "I can't go back in time. All I can do is tell you how much I love her, and how much I'm sorry. Let me tell you, I've never regretted anything more in my life. And Robin? I love that girl so damn much. I don't want you to tell me how upset she was because I know, okay! I know she was devastated, and I know how crappy of a person I am!"

"Then why did you do it?" James asked. "I know I'm your brother and I'm supposed to be on your team, but I'm not! I'm just not! What you did was awful! I remember a conversation we had a few weeks before your wedding, and you told me you would do anything and everything to make Robin happy. This act, this inconsiderate, disgusting move didn't make her happy. After marrying her, you changed so much for the better and I was so proud of that. It happened to me, too, when I married Tom. But, you reverted to your single life ways. You're a we now, not an I! You have someone else to put above your own needs, and if you're not careful, you're gonna lose her. Is that what you want, Barney?"

"No! Of course not!"

"Then you need to find a way to fix this. It's not going to go away on its own."

Barney nodded. "Okay." He looked up at James. "First though, can you please tell me how bad she got? I hate myself for causing her stress and pain. I guess I didn't realize how much she loves me."

"With every fiber of her being, Barney." James replied. He sat on the couch next to his brother, milling over whether he should answer his request. "Okay. I'll tell you how bad it was, but it's only because you deserve to feel guilty."

"I already do feel guilty. But, fair enough."

James nodded. "Remember how you first faked the illness?"

Barney swallowed and nodded. "Yeah, but Marshall found me, right?"

"No. He had been held up at work and didn't have time to stop by your apartment. Robin found you."

Barney wanted to punch himself in the face. He couldn't believe his wife was the one who found him looking like that. That had never been his intention.

 ** _May 2019_**

Barney looked around the kitchen, making sure everything was ready. He had taken cold and flu tablets, that had drowsy side effects, so that sleeping pills wouldn't show up in his blood. The effects should be gone by the time he got to the hospital anyway. He was already feeling drowsy. He had fake blood on the ground and on his shirtless body. That day he had stayed home from work, claiming to Robin that he didn't feel well, setting the scene well for his fake illness. Being in just pajama pants meant he didn't have to ruin a suit. He had asked Marshall to come over and bring him more Kleenex. He wanted Marshall to be the one to discover him.

He laid on the ground, and let himself fall asleep.

…

Robin opened the apartment door and pulled her shoes off. She put her purse down and opened the bag of stuff she had picked up from the pharmacy. Barney hadn't been feeling great that morning and she had been worried sick all day. It was so unusual for her husband to admit to feeling unwell.

"Babe, I'm home!" She called out, distracted by the contents of the bag. She looked up, to call him again. That was when she saw him. Barney was lying on the kitchen floor, eyes closed. He had blood trickling out of his nose and possibly other parts of his body. There was a lot. She dropped to the floor beside him, tears brimming in her eyes. "Oh my god, baby, please wake up." She was starting to become hysterical as she shook him. "Barney, please." She whispered, her throat too dry to speak.

Robin wiped tears away and stood up shakily. She reached for her phone to call 911. She managed to explain to the operator what was going on, and then hung up. She stood up and found some towels to mop up the blood with. She burst into tears as she was soaking up his blood.

 ** _Back to the present – January 2020_**

Barney looked at James. "Slap me in the face as hard as you can. I'm such a jerk. How could I have done that to her?" He closed his eyes for a minute, before quickly reopening them. "James, please tell me that was the worst it gets."

"Not even close. She broke down so many times. There were days at a time where she didn't eat anything or sleep. She was constantly dehydrated and sleep deprived." James looked over at his brother as he continued. "She collapsed at work at one point."

Barney jumped up, nearly yelling, "she what!"

"Shut up or you'll wake Robin up." The both paused for a minute, listening. When Robin didn't stir, they continued. "It was the longest she'd gone without sleeping and eating. Nearly a week. She was only at work because she needed something to take her mind off you."

"Why did nobody tell me?" Barney sounded mad.

James rolled his eyes. "It was just after they moved you to the ICU. We sure as hell weren't telling you that you caused that much stress to her when we thought you were really that sick."

"I would've abandoned the stupid act if I had've known!"

"We didn't think you were acting!" James stood up. "It doesn't matter. She's fine, you're fine. You have to do something to make it up to her. To apologize for what a jackass you were. She needs to know she comes first, Barney. I have to go."

"Bye." Barney said, distracted.

"Text me tomorrow, so I know Robin's okay."

Barney nodded. As the door closed behind James, the cogs in Barney's mind were working. Trying to figure out how to fix things with Robin. There was only one thing he could do…

…

 **A/N**

 **This is my least popular story, and a totally random one to upload to, lol. Oh well. Hope you liked it, and there's one chapter left.**


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